I had a rather mediocre Christmas, folks. Since it was just me and my wife—no relatives, thank Patterson—I got her a nice teddy, and, as Wednesday would doubtless put it, reassured myself of my masculinity. I got Murray a new hat, and he got me an X-Box 360. Since I had already gotten one, I gave it to Pat. Pat got a copy of Sonic Rush from his parents. I got myself frickin' drunk on eggnog, and a copy of Wedding Crashers from my wife.

That said, the Christmas ornaments are, as usual, taking forever to come down. I'm not sure how to spend new year's, though. I don't want to go out, as it's frickin' cold in New York this time of year. I was planning to stay at home with the leftover eggnog and watch the Naruto marathon, while listening to increasingly obscure bands I downloaded from iTunes. I am the very model of a modern major lanlord.

I know the Conrads are going to a local Baptist Church, and "Miss Bliss", upstairs, is going to "get drunk and bone some guy", as she told me earlier while handing over the rent. As I understand it, she's a camwhore as a small way of living.

Bender: That's what she said! WHOOO.

Good night, and good luck.